


Hot Damn

by AppleCherry108



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 01:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleCherry108/pseuds/AppleCherry108
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot breath on his neck, hands fumbling under a skirt too short. How did Cronus Ampora ever find his way into a storage closet, about to bang the hottest girl in school?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Damn

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid and old, and full of terrible one-liners and almost sex (because that's my M rating I guess).

Hot breath on his neck, hands fumbling under a skirt too short. How did Cronus Ampora ever find his way into a storage closet, about to bang the hottest girl in school?  
  
Funny story.  
  
Cronus was quite infamous at his high school. He was everyone’s least favorite try-hard. In his four years he had tormented every single person, boy and girl, in seven different graduating classes—the three before him, the three under him, and of course his own, which had had the misfortune of his company since nursery school. He didn’t exactly have any friends and whatever older brother awe he may have once inspired in Eridan had long been depleted many years ago. There were a few who didn’t immediately flee when he started talking to him, namely Kankri and Aranea, but Cronus thought them almost as offensive to be around as everyone else did him. His bad reputation never kept him from trying, though.  
  
It seemed that he spent every waking second trying to get laid, and no matter how many slaps to the face or kicks to the crotch he took, he was never deterred. He always would say, “The odds are in my favor, SOMEBODY’S gotta say yes eventually.” So he kept at it, ever on his cool guy act. If a stranger were to see him in action they might actually mistake him for the most popular kid in the joint. It’d be a very hard mistake to make, but someone COULD mistake the recoil Cronus induced in others as the nervous swooning of underclassmen to the slick-haired, leather-clad senior.  
  
And funny story, someone actually did.  
  
Her name was Roxy. Roxy Lalonde. Some transfer student from New York. She strutted into class on the 4-inch heels of bubblegum pink stilettos, wearing a skirt that clearly defied the dress code, and dragging behind her a backpack literally COVERED in cat stickers and hearts. She was like a horrendous mash-up of a porn star and a 4 year old, and she had Cronus’ undivided attention.  
  
She sat 3 rows in front of him and 2 to the right, and he tried everything to get her attention short of jumping up and down and waving his arms. He was quick enough to do the Tom Hiddleston thing before she sat down though. He had hoped that spread legs and a little nod would be enough to entice her but alas, she seemed to have missed it. He tried throwing paper airplanes at her but missed and ended up hitting everyone next to her in some sort of ironic Disney-like twist. He tried to pass her a note but no one would even take it from him. Latula almost did but made a three-point shot into the trashcan with it instead. He tried clearing his throat, tapping his pencil, dropping his books—nothing. He thought all was lost but when the bell rang she turned around and smiled at him. There was no mistaking it, she made eye contact. And winked. And that was all he saw of her for the rest of the day.  
  
So Cronus only had a single class with the most beautiful girl in school, one was enough. Or maybe not. For the next two weeks she sat in the same spot and never acknowledged him until the end of class. Finally. It was happening. One of the hot popular girls was finally paying attention to him. Cronus was walking on fucking rainbows and sunshine, and with all of his efforts focused only on the new girl, he didn’t have time to harass anyone else. Why, the collective school’s hatred for him shrank three sizes that day.  
  
But how could anyone pay him any mind now? Not when there was an angel walking among them. When Roxy clicked by on her heels it was like the red sea parted for Moses. She was a queen, an alpha, and Cronus was going to tap that if it killed him. For days he plotted an elaborate plan of courtship, involving flowers and jewelry, and his best pick-up lines. Fortunately for everyone within puking distance of such a shitty display, he never got to follow through with it. Instead, on a Tuesday afternoon during the lunch hour, Roxy comes up to him and without batting an eye says, “Let’s get out of here.” Needless to say, Cronus drops his spork and follows her like a horny puppy.  
  
She leads him down several deserted hallways, his shirt pinched between her finger and thumb guiding him along. What a babe. Cronus would freely admit how hard he got from her commandeering him. At last she stops in front of a storage closet and shoves him in, slamming the door behind her as she follows.  
  
"Well?" she demands after a few seconds of nothing happening. Apparently she expected him to make a move.  
  
"Uh," Cronus wasn’t used to this, this getting what you want thing. He was suddenly very nervous. Had his cool guy act finally betrayed him? He began to sweat as his virginity loomed over him. What the hell was he supposed to do? He had a few ideas, but they were all from pornos he’d watched, and he at least knew enough to know that porn does not equal real sex in any reality. Or shit, maybe he’s over thinking this. Maybe she did not bring him to this closet to get laid. That thought doesn’t actually help anything because now the pressure of awesome make-outs was weighing on him and, surprise surprise, he had never kissed anyone before either.  
  
The silence between them was so thick and awkward you could cut it with a socially-inept penguin.  
  
"So… are we gonna, you know?" she asked after a few more painfully long moments. She sounded just as nervous as him. Alright, Cronus. This is your moment. Fucking man-up and nail this goddess. Or at least, you know, hold her hand or something.  
  
Cronus: Do the hand holding thing.  
  
He takes her hand into his and gazes deeply into her…lips. Shit. He was going to say something super romantic and smouldery but her slightly parted plush lips distracted him with the image of his dick between them. And he freezes. He just kinda stands there, mouth hanging open, face ablaze, trying not very hard to push the idea of a blow job out of his mind. Roxy was starting to look uncomfortable.  
  
At last though, Cronus manages an “umm,” and tries snapping to attention again. Fuck, he’s still thinking about blow jobs. Wow, okay, he didn’t think he could get anymore turned on but his mind is in overdrive with all the things he COULD be doing with the hot babe in front of him. So why ISN’T he doing those things with the hot babe in front of him?  
  
Ah yes, logic has finally kicked in.  
  
Without warning or anymore stupid slack-jawed ‘umm’s, Cronus cups Roxy’s face in his hands and smashes their lips together. May the powers that be grant him ultimate kissing ability. Roxy squeaks in muffled delight. Praise Satan, he’s good at the kissing thing. She grabs his shirt with both her hands and shoves him backwards into a shelf of bathroom supplies. Half a dozen rolls of toilet paper come down and bounce off their heads but they don’t seem to mind. As Roxy presses into him harder, Cronus gets the message that his hands should be put to better use. So he starts groping her ass. She moans and gasps into their sloppy kissing and starts grinding on him. Cronus’ legs begin to buckle and he starts to wonder how long he can keep up this charade. This is by far the hottest thing to ever happen to him and he’s surprised he hasn’t come in his pants already. He’s actually starting to hope that Roxy dragged him here for extreme make-outs only because he is royally screwed if he has to satisfy her womanly needs.  
  
Luck is never in Cronus’ favor, though. Roxy wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as best as she can and tries to hop up on him. He manages to catch her but loses his balances and spins around, accidentally slamming her back into the door. He keeps his hold on her at least. She apparently likes it rough though. She moans and presses into him , writhing between him and the door. She starts nipping at his neck, dragging her teeth from his jaw to his collar bone. Virginity be damned, what this girl wants, she’ll get. Cronus is a helpless moaning wreck under her touch, especially when she guides one of his hands under her skirt. She smiles against his skin and rocks her hips against his. He gets the message loud and clear.  
  
So with hot breath licking at his neck, fingers fumbling under a skirt too short, Cronus Ampora finds himself in a storage closet about to bang the hottest girl in school. Life could not be any better.  
  
Well actually it could be a lot better because the bell rings and the sounds of students filing out into the hall could be heard beyond the door. They were out of time, and with an annoyed ‘humph’ Roxy slides off of him and straightens out her skirt. With her hand on the door she turns to Cronus and asks if he was coming. Cronus just stands there in shock, hands still positioned like he’s holding her, a look of pure horror on his face. He blew it. He was about to get everything he ever wanted and he took too damn long to get to the punch line. He knew he was a dumbfuck but didn’t think he was THIS stupid. After another moment of awkwardly staring off into space and groping at nothing, he melts down into a slump and mumbles, “yeah.”  
  
Roxy has her ear to the door and when it sounds like no one is outside, she takes the opportunity to escape back into the hall. Before rushing off to class she turns back to Cronus and flashes him a smile. “This was fun,” she chirps. “Maybe we could do it again sometime?” And with a flip of her hair she skips away. Cronus can hear her heels clicking all the around the corner.  
  
Again? She wants to do it again? Maybe, just maybe, Cronus isn’t as big of a fuck-up as he thinks. Why, with little more than some kissing and ass grabbing, he still somehow managed to retain the interest of the hottest of all babes. Success of the highest level!  
  
But he really shouldn’t be celebrating so soon. At the end of the day, while waiting for the bus home, he spots Roxy chatting it up with Meenah. This can’t be good. He stealthily inches closer to them until he’s within earshot. Roxy is telling Meenah how she was _this close_ to banging the coolest guy in school. Cronus smiles smugly and shuffles his shoulders in a small victory dance. Hot damn, she thinks he’s cool.  
  
"You almost fucked Dirk Strider?" Meenah gasps. Cronus scowls. _No you dumb fuck she means_ ** _me_** _!_  
  
"No," Roxy is clearly taken aback, "I mean the tall one. Broad shoulders? Choice ass?" Her praise was giving Cronus another boner. It is definitely not okay how much power she has over his dick.  
  
"Freshman Captor? Shell, what’s his name? Sollux?" Cronus can her Meenah’s confusion in her voice, she obviously has no idea who Roxy is going for.  
  
"No, _Cronus!_ " she insists. Like, duh, of COURSE she means Cronus? Who else could be any cooler or hotter than him?  
  
Meenah bursts out laughing. Snorting and gasping and breathlessly shouting, “Oh my cod you _didn’t!_ " Cronus dares to look over at them. Meenah has her hands on her knees, about to keel over from oxygen deprivation, a flustered Roxy by her side trying to keep her from falling over.  
  
"What? WHAT?" Roxy demands.  
  
Once Meenah finally manages to settle down and catch her breath, she straightens herself out and tells her, “ _GIRL_ , Cronus fucking Ampora is not only the most uncool buoy ever, but he’s such a CREEP. There ain’t nobody he hasn’t hit on. He’s the future poster boy of pathetic guys you don’t want coming up to you in bars everywhere. You didn’t almost get lucky, you dodged a _bullet_.”  
  
Cronus can’t bear it. He quickly turns away and starts scanning the row of buses, seeing if his has arrived yet. Cronus is manly as fuck but even he was having difficulty trying not to cry. _Jesus,_ Meenah, what even is her problem? Just because he strikes out at a 100% rate doesn’t make him a creeper. Or…god fucking dammit, maybe that’s _why_ he keeps striking out. It’s finally dawning on him that maybe, just _maybe_ he isn’t the heart throb he thought he was.  
  
Oh thank god, there’s his bus. He rushes onto it and picks out that awkward tiny, one-person seat in the back. The one only a dick would ask to share with somebody. Cronus tries to make himself as small as possible, scrunching down so far that his perfect hair barely peaks over window.  
  
He feels a tap on his shoulder and reluctantly looks up. There, standing over him, was his porn star angel and her stupid kiddy backpack. “This seat taken?” she asks with a smile. Only a dick would try to share this goddamn tiny seat.  
  
But she was hot and he can’t say no to her. Cronus tries to scoot closer to the window but finds he’s already flush against it. Roxy tries sitting down anyway. She can barely get one thigh on the seat so she holds on to Cronus’ arm for dear life.  
  
They’re silent for a moment until Cronus, unable to keep this up any longer, tells her, “Look, I know you thought I was this awesomely smooth dude, but you already know you were wrong, so can we please just skip whatever this is and go to the never talking again phase?”  
  
Roxy blinks at him a few times. “I think you’re cool.” Cronus snorts at her. “No really, I do.” Holy shit, she sounds earnest. “I still think you’re cool and smooth, and hot as hell, I don’t really give a fuck what other people think.”  
  
Cronus finally manages to look her in the eye. “Really?”  
  
"Dude, _fuck_ other people. Who cares what they think.” Cronus can’t help but laugh. She flashes him a smile. “Like see? Your laugh is totally cute. And that little smile? Shit dude, if other people don’t think you’re fine as fuck then they’re missing out.” She turns to glance out the other side of the bus. “Well, I think we’re about to get rolling here and this is definitely not my ride. So I guess I’ll…” As she moves to stand up he grabs her hand and gently tugs her back.  
  
"Come over to my place." She looks hesitant. "I’ve got hot pockets and HBO and killer fast wi-fi, what more could a girl want?" Roxy stifles a laugh by biting her lip. Cronus tugs at her hand again and she allows herself to fall into his lap. At least she’s not hanging off the goddamn seat anymore.  
  
"Well, would there be a total hottie I could mack on while eating hot pockets and abusing the free wi-fi?"  
  
"I guess I could make an appearance."  
  
"Sounds perfect then." She giggles and kisses his nose, making him smile. The bus jerks into motion as they pull away from the school.  
  
"Officially too late to change your mind." He chides as he steals a proper kiss. She just giggles at him and wraps her arms around his neck.  
  
"It was too late two _weeks_ ago,” she laughs as she returns his kiss. When she pulls away and he’s wearing a look of bemused confusion she smiles and says, “That first class we had together? You looked right at me and spread your legs and gave this little nod and a wink. Like damn son, how could a girl resist that?” Cronus laughs in disbelief as she kisses him again.  
  
What do you know? It really was hot damn at first sight.


End file.
